so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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