lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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