Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
