first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
