Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
