Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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