Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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