I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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