I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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