I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize