I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
