ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just puked most of my soul out..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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