I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
