Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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