SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
