I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
