Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
