The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
