Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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