i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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