I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
