mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
