she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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