Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
