why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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