I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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