sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
