We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
