please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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