So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
