Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
