and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
