we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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