I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
