New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
