Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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