The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
