we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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