Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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