exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
