You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
