booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i need some magic done to my vagina
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
