dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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