theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just cropdusted the office
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
