I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
