Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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