I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
