i can't believe i had my finger in that
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
