he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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