My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A bitchslap is in order.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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