I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
