would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
